I ran out of hydrocodone. The surprising discovery? Mild chemical dependence towards it. I'm just beginning to feel normal again, to not wake up hating everyone and everything.
I still really want to get high, but I don't want to be dependent on something else...
It's hard when he got a "girlfriend". It won't last, they never do. But right now it hurts, and I so badly want to slip into that sweet release opiates provide. They also make everything, including cleaning my room, so much more fun and bearable.
There's the other boy, the one I could have a real relationship with. I want to be closer to him, because that's the only sober escape I get. His arms make me forget everything. There I wouldn't have to keep in contact just to survive...
No comments:
Post a Comment