In case my previous posts haven't revealed it, I've been in a really awful place lately.
I can't truly make amends for my past mistakes, so I keep suffering for them... He will never truly forgive me, and everything just keeps coming back to haunt me...
Really the two things holding me on are my job and my animals. My guinea pigs are amazing, Vivien is sitting my my lap as I write this. And I'm getting a bunny soon. Having something small and furry that loves you and just wants to cuddle and eat makes things bearable... Since a baby would be an awful idea right now..
There's also my job. I'm a restaurant hostess, and I love it. I get to not think about ANYTHING other than my job for hours. Its such a relief...
And I realized something the other day.. I can't feel that Earth-stopping moment, when everything but him ceases to exist, when I know, not just assume, that he's in love with someone else. We had a long talk about his girlfriend, and hearing him talk about her made it all real... But I guess it's a good thing... Even if it hurts me, its less drama on him.. And he doesn't need that..
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