Saturday, August 22, 2009

Anger and agony are better than misery

My best friend is 6 hours away, and a small exchange of texts is the most contact I've had with her in almost 2 weeks. I really miss her. Its such a small thing with today's technology to be so far away from a friend, but I really miss her.

Monday, August 17, 2009


I enjoy observing people, despite United States culture generally irritating me. I specifically find fringe and subcultures within developed societies, sexual behaviors, and comparing/contrasting human and other primate behavior.

While watching "The Woman in the Tunnel" episode of Bones (my favorite show) I heard a good quote by the character Brennan that provides a good quote that explains my attraction to these cultural groups.

"Every society has its fringe dwellers and every society fears it's fringe dwellers. Usually because they are the example of what happens when you fail in that society."

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Go home, and get stoned

I visited some friends at the university I used to attend this week. It was both fun and depressing. I chose to drop due to my horrible grades, and now am going to miss these people like crazy.

While there I tried hydrocodone with weed and alcohol. It was the most amazingly intense and terrifying experience I've had up to this point.

My good friend who tried suicide twice with "alcopills" was freaked out. He seemed worried about me, but hasn't shown any concern past this revelation to him.

Friday, August 7, 2009

An Introduction

I guess the best thing to do in my first blog post is to introduce myself and my reasons for this blog.

I am a 19 year old biological anthropology student. My favorite colors are green and purple, my favorite animal is a wolf. I'm around 5'2", 180, and have green eyes and brown hair. My ears, belly button, and right nostril are pierced. I currently have no tattoos but I am hoping to change that. I love animals, cooking, and drawing. I hate heights, spiders, and escalators. I drink, have sex, and smoke pot.

My reason for creating this blog is out of sheer boredom. I had to drop out of 4 year university due to horrible grades, and only work 4 days a week. Due to my lack of a specific social group my personal life is somewhat limited.

It's not that I lack friends, I have a close group of friends that I've had since elementary school. However, I don't entirely fit in with their friends and as an introvert have a hard time making friends outside of them.

I'm not sad enough to be emo, angry enough to be goth, well-behaved enough to be a "good girl", hot enough to be a "sorority girl", or do enough drugs/drink enough to be a part of the party crowd. Despite many claims otherwise, these social groups (and others) do exist outside of high school. It's in human nature to exist in groups of similar people, and in a society as large as ours we've created our own.

I've always felt like I never fully belonged, and I'm quite content with this. The friends I have are amazing people, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. However, they all have fairly extensive lives I don't entirely feel comfortable participating in when I'm invited.

One of my friends, Michelle, and I have grown apart more as we get older. I think her boyfriend is scum, and she disagrees with my previously mentioned habits. Her friends, while nice are too straight laced. They will all most likely marry within their own type and live dull suburban lives until their children put them into retirement homes. I once pulled out a lighter at a gathering of these people, and they acted extremely shocked at the idea that I would carry one with me, like I was a drug user or worse, a smoker. While they are entertaining to be around from time to time, they're so vanilla it almost sickens me.

While part of me craves stability and structure, actually having it drives me insane. Right now, I have a job, am signed up for community college, and have a stable group of friends. By all logical reasoning I should be content with this, but I feel like a wolf pacing back and forth in a too small cage.

As I've said, I love my friends. But even the most flighty and artistic among them is content with the life that is currently driving me over the edge.