Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Trying to Deal..

I'm still really torn up about what happened with my dad... He told my grandmother my brother and I deserved what we got, and should've gotten more. Loud noises make me jump, and I have to comfort myself at night if I sleep alone. The only times I've felt safe are when I was in the arms of either my best friend, or the guy I'm falling for in another city. I know, I have daddy issues...

It hurts so much that my own father doesn't love me... That he feels like I deserve that shit...

I feel like if my own father can't love me, no man will...

Just writing that little bit brings me to tears. I don't know what I'd do without my best friend sometimes.. He's my superhero more often than not.

Friday, January 15, 2010


This year is looking up.

My classes are fantastic. I forget how much I love acting.
I'm much more relaxed.
I'm learning to appreciate his friendship, and to work within his personality to deepen our relationship.
I'm saving money.
I'm dieting to try to get down to about 120 lbs so I can hopefully get a job as an "exotic dancer", and earn enough money to live on my own and hopefully still go to school.

Here's to hoping all goes at least semi-well.