That I don't want 50 years to go by and realize at the end of it that I let the love of my life slip away. I want those 50 years with him. The reasons we didn't work, those aren't reasons any more. We've grown, matured. He treats me better every day, and when I look at him I fall more in love with him.
He's in love with me, but he hasn't felt "the moment" that makes him want to truly be with me. I wish I knew what exactly he was missing.
As petty as these worries seem, to have the one man you've ever loved so close, but at the same time so very far away, hurts.
Other updates, I'm staying here, getting my AA in anthropology. Then I'll see how it goes. I talked to my dad today, and he's going to try to help me live out on my own. At long last. Hopefully things improve...
Oh, and I'm out of a job. The cafe went out of business. Which sucks, because jobs are impossible to find. Like I said, hopefully things improve.
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